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Mort Goldman

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Mort Goldman
Mort Goldman
Mort Goldman
Name Mortrimer Goldman
Age 78 (revealed in "Into Harmony's Way")
Job(s) Pharmacist
Relatives Muriel Goldman (wife; deceased)
Neil Goldman (son)
Mr. Goldman (father)
Mrs. Goldman (mother)
Jennifer Love Hewitt (niece)
Hiam Goldman (grandpa; deceased)
Sarah Goldman (grandma; deceased)
Ruth Goldman (aunt; deceased)
Isaac Sivic (uncle; deceased)
Flo Goldman (aunt; deceased)
Farrah Sivic (great aunt; deceased)

"I'd pay you to pretend I'm not cheap, but I am cheap, so no moola."


— "Home Wreckers Association"

Mortimer "Mort" Goldman (born June 15, 1935) is a stereotypical Jewish man, who lives on Spooner Street. He is the owner of Goldman's Pharmacy, the widowed husband of Muriel Goldman, and the father of Neil Goldman. He first appeared in "The Kiss Seen Around the World".

Biography[]

In "When You Wish Upon a Weinstein", he is the Jew that Peter Griffin inadvertently called upon when Peter sang "I Need a Jew", which he finished minutes before Mort showed up. When he came to Peter's door to ask for help with fixing his car, Peter enlisted his help in getting back the money that he used to buy volcano insurance. Mort later helped Peter's son Chris with his homework, Peter thought that a way to make Chris good with numbers was to make him Jewish.

In "Mr. Saturday Knight", he was a guest speaker at Career Day at Buddy Cianci Junior High School. He later joined the renaissance fair in an attempt to overcome his fear of swords. He tells Peter Griffin that he was stabbed in the ear by a man in a pirate suit when he was five years old, and again when he was 30. He also yelled out that he miscarried.

In "Stuck Together, Torn Apart", it is revealed that Mort and Muriel watch movies to "Hotel California" and that his niece is Jennifer Love Hewitt.

He once bowled a perfect game in "Blind Ambition", in a rather unorthodox way by rolling the ball extremely slowly down the lane.

Lois has her photo shoot pictures developed at Goldman's Pharmacy in "Model Misbehavior", and then poses for a series of fliers to advertise the pharmacy. It is also shown that Mort hates the presence of Greased Up Deaf Guy in his store.

In "Brian the Bachelor", to ensure that Lois could not purchase acne medication to clear up his zit, Doug, Chris, under Doug's influence, broke into Goldman's Pharmacy and destroyed all the acne medication.

He sang "The Morning After" at karaoke night in The Drunken Clam in "Don't Make Me Over".

In "Long John Peter", his pharmacy was damaged by Peter and his pirate crew, who made sure that the rack of cheap pharmacy toys was blasted.

In "No Meals on Wheels", he is afraid of Peter's "scarejew" made in the likeness of Adolf Hitler and exclaims that Jon Stewart needs to be saved.

In "April in Quahog", Mort is visited by Jesus during the apocalypse, and is told he's going to Hell.

In "Road to Germany", Mort's grandparents, Hiam and Sarah Goldman and other relatives are revealed to live in Warsaw, Poland meaning that Mort is at least part Polish. Because of Stewie's time machine, he was able to witness his grandparents' wedding, initially believing he was in heaven. He also interrupts the customary musical number in "Road to..." episodes, "Whenever", before it could even start.

In "Family Gay", Peter tries to get rid of his dead retarded horse 'Til Death by throwing it through the window of Mort's pharmacy. Mort returns the horse in the same fashion.

Mort plays a Jawa in "Blue Harvest" and Lando Calrissian in both "Something, Something, Something, Dark Side" and "It's A Trap!". While the character gains Goldman's mannerisms, Goldman gains Calrissian's skin color.

In "Road to the Multiverse", when Brian and Stewie visit a Disney universe, Mort comes in to greet his neighbors, who beat him up for being Jewish, prompting Stewie and Brian to leave.

In "And Then There Were Fewer", Mort and Muriel are invited to James Woods's mansion, where Muriel is murdered by Diane Simmons, making Mort a widower as well as leaving Neil motherless.

Mort appears in the show's intro starting with "And I'm Joyce Kinney". This would continue until "He's Bla-ack!", in which Mort is replaced by Cleveland Brown.

In "Tiegs for Two", he attends Quagmire's class on how to pick up women.

In "Thanksgiving With The Griffins", he appears in a cutaway where Peter fakes his death.

After Muriel's death, Mort finds himself in financial trouble in "Burning Down the Bayit", as he isn't able to cheat the customers the way she could. With Peter and Quagmire, they plot to burn down the pharmacy to collect the insurance. But Peter slips up and Joe arrests them, only to let them free when they bring back memories of how an insurance company screwed Joe after his paralyzing accident. Mort is also shown to have a relative who is a lawyer that looks just like him.

Peter names a star after Mort in "Killer Queen". Mort wishes he had just given him the money instead.

In "Mr. and Mrs. Stewie", Stewie plants a bomb in Mort's wallet set to go off when he opens it. After two weeks, Stewie plants another bomb that goes off when Mort burps in his hands, which he does. After the explosion, Mort checks his wallet to see if it's ok and the second bomb explodes.

Mort recovers and reopens the pharmacy in "Tea Peter".

When Mort sees a mob coming for Peter in "Ratings Guy", he panics and flees for the safety of the Quahog National Bank by using a Menorah as a jet pack.

Mort appears in the special opening of "Valentine's Day in Quahog".

Mort's parents, Mr. Goldman and Mrs. Goldman, appear for the first time in "Save the Clam".

Mort appears briefly in "Life of Brian", where he takes the hockey net Stewie threw away, intending to give it to Neil as a birthday present.

Mort reveals he was a record mogul in the 1970s at Mort Town Records in "Into Harmony's Way", managing such groups as Earth, Wind, Fire and Pollen until allergies and an olive addiction forced him out of the music business until he temporarily becomes Peter and Quagmire's manager.

Peter and the guys travel to Jerusalem in search of God, only to discover everyone there is just like Mort, in "3 Acts of God".

Quagmire prank-calls Mort in "Baby Got Black" and convinces him he is Muriel, having faked her own death.

In "The Simpsons Guy", in the courtroom scene, he is seated next to fellow Jew Krusty the Clown.

Neil and Chris trick Sean Penn into dressing up just like his dad in "Once Bitten".

He appears dressed as Jerome in "A Lot Going on Upstairs", when Brian tries to fool Stewie by dressing the family and neighbors as each other.

In "No Giggity, No Doubt", Mort was shoved off the bleachers by Kimi Quagmire. Later, when Peter tries to come up with people who could go on Quagmire's camping trip other than himself in, he summons everyone from Family Guy, American Dad! and The Cleveland Show. This includes Mort.

Appearance[]

Mort Goldman is an ugly old Jewish man with pasty white skin and curly orange hair. He has thick black glasses, a massive nose, and an overbite full of jagged, messed up teeth. Mort wears a white shirt with a gray vest and a red tie and blue pants and brown shoes. He talks with a raspy, nasally, obnoxious, disgusting voice.

Personality[]

Mort's defining characteristics are stereotypically Jewish, such as his whiny neuroticism, his chronic hypochondria, his wimpy attitude and his general gawkiness. Mort has terrible social skills, frequently discussing his various maladies and childhood bullying in otherwise polite conversation. Mort doesn't mind revealing details about his customers' personal health problems; for example, in "Mr. Saturday Knight", he went into the details about a man with hemorrhoids, telling the man's daughter and her classroom that they were like stinking little balloons and that they stung him so bad that he had to apply the lotion in his car with a sock.

Relationships[]

Family[]

Friends[]

Close Friends[]

Acquaintances[]

Episode Appearances[]

Trivia[]

  • Mort takes on the characteristics of Sol Rosenberg, a character of The Jerky Boys created by Johnny Brennan in the late 1980s.
  • Mort was born via miscarried.
  • Mort has been stabbed in the ear by a guy in a pirate costume three times in his life. Once, when he was 5, again when he was 30, and once more in present day, when his 70-something-year-old self told the story to Peter in "Mr. Saturday Knight".
  • Mort and Muriel watch movies, while listening to "Hotel California", in hopes that they'll synch up. This is a reference to the Dark Side of the Rainbow coincidence, where Pink Floyd's album, Dark Side of the Moon, happens to pair nicely with the visuals of the movie, The Wizard of Oz.
  • In "Stuck Together, Torn Apart", it was revealed that Mort's cousin is Jennifer Love Hewitt.
  • In "April in Quahog", it was revealed that he was predetermined to go to Hell.
  • Mort's grandparents, Hiam and Sarah Goldman were holocaust victims, as they got married in Warsaw, Poland on September 1, 1939 and their wedding was fatefully crashed by Nazis.
  • Mort never really loved his wife, Muriel, as he so bluntly proved upon her death in "And Then There Were Fewer" and later, "The Mortician".
  • Back in the 1970's, Mort used to by a record mogul, as he retold in "Into Harmony's Way". He was the CEO of a major company called Mort Town Records. However, his entire career came crashing down when he developed an olive addiction that turned him into a healthy, well-developed man.
    • This also tells us that Mort is actually 78 years old, (as of that episode) and Mort's brief health boost from the olives is actually what makes him such a well-adjusted and living and breathing man today.
  • Mort is allergic to pollen.
  • In the theme song of "He's Bla-ack!", Mort was removed from the kickline and replaced by Cleveland.
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