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I Take Thee Quagmire

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I Take Thee Quagmire
Season 3, Episode 17
Giggity Love
Air date January 21, 2001
List of Episodes
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The Fat Guy Strangler 		Next
Death Lives

I Take Thee Quagmire is the seventeenth episode of the third season of Family Guy. It is the fifty-eighth episode, overall.

Synopsis[]

When Peter goes on a television game show and wins a maid for a week, Quagmire becomes smitten with her and ends up popping the question.

Plot[]

When Peter makes a surprise win on Wheel of Fortune, he wins a free maid for a week. While he shows off how he could cause a huge mess for her to clean up, she meets Quagmire who immediately falls for her. He gives up his philandering ways and becomes a caring lover as proposes to Joan at the sea shore at sunset.

Peter, however, becomes irritated by the changes Quagmire made for his new fiancée. He tries to get Quagmire back into his own ways, such as bachelor party strip clubs and trying out his foot fetish by acquiring the foot of the Statue of Liberty, spending thousands of dollars and calling many people he doesn't even know but it doesn't work.

Meanwhile, Lois is concerned when Stewie’s teeth cause her pain during breastfeeding. Brian suggests that Lois begin weaning Stewie, to which Stewie objects. He becomes desperate for his milk, going as far as replacing the baby of another mother and milking Lois. Later on, Stewie finally does achieve freedom from Lois's breast milk, but Lois, preferring her reduced breast size, forces Stewie to continue the feeding under the guise of "bonding".

During the reception for his wedding, Quagmire turns back into his old self when he, due to Peter's actions, notices Lois’s engorged breasts. Realizing his mistake, he tries to break up with Joan but she threatens to kill him and then herself if he did so. He enlists help from his friends to get him out of it quick, at one point asking a random stranger who mentioned he was divorced how he got out of his marriage, to which the stranger told Quagmire he slept with his wife. They choose to fake his death. They make a video of Quagmire being attacked by the guys dressed as a handicapped ninja, a Nazi with a ray gun, a pots-and-pans robot and his body being mauled by a dinosaur. Unfortunately, the video fails to convince Joan, so they enact plan B, by having Quagmire come home and have a sudden heart attack. Unfortunately, their plan hits a chink when Quagmire's coffin is to be covered with concrete, as Mayor West believes that it will guard against zombies, which will prevent them from digging up Quagmire, so Peter reveals he's alive. Joan is relieved, but Death has come and must collect a body. Joan jumps in front of Quagmire and touches Death, which kills her. Quagmire’s friends then inform Death that her last name was Quagmire and that she was suicidal, and so Death takes her body, allowing Quagmire to live; but not before Quagmire asks Death to leave the body for five minutes.

Characters[]

Major Roles[]

Minor Roles[]

Quotes[]

[Playing "Wheel of Fortune"]
Pat Sajak: All right, Peter. You made it to the bonus round. Congratulations.
Peter: Thanks, Regis.
Pat Sajak: Okay. The category is actor and show. So, we need 5 consonants and a vowel.
Peter: Uh, okay, ummm... Z... 4... Q... another Q... uhhh... a third Q... and a Batman symbol.
Pat Sajak: Okay, no help there. Um, 15 seconds. If you want to take a shot at it, talk it out.
Peter: Is it Alex Karras in Webster?
[gets it right]
Pat Sajak: I... don't... believe it.
Peter: Oh my God! I just took a shot in the dark! Holy crap!
Pat Sajak: You have $1,300. Why don't you go and pick out some prizes from our showcase?
Peter: OK, let's see. Uh... Oh, boy. Everything looks nice. Um, all right, I'll take the ceramic Dalmatian for 600 and uh... Boy, that TV looks nice. Give me the one free week of maid service and I'll take the hat rack. Uh, hey, how much for that fat guy in the circle? I don't see a price tag on that.
Pat Sajak: That's you.
Peter: Oh! Oh! Embarrassing. OK. Well in that case, I'll take the rest on a gift certificate.
Lois: Oh, sweetie, you look so handsome on TV.
Brian: I can't believe you actually won. But I suppose it's not the strangest thing I've seen on a game show, like when Adam West was on Jeopardy!
Alex Trebek: Alright, players, the answer once again is 'It was the first space craft to land on the surface of Mars'. Adam, what was your response? Kebert Xela...Argh!!!
Adam West: Only saying his name backwards can send him back to the fifth dimension where he belongs.
Stewie: All right, whip 'em out, woman. It's time for the afternoon meal.
Lois: My goodness, Stewie. I guess you're hungry. Honey, not so rough this time. Mommy's very sore.
Stewie: And by the way, let's be clear, I only like you as a friend.
Peter: Well, we are officially lost.
Ricky: On the Great Space Coast...
Peter: Shut up, Ricky, just shut up right now! Unless the next words out of your mouth are directions on how to get back to the fish skeleton, I'm gonna punch you right in the stomach!
Lois: Ow! Damn, that hurts.
Brian: What happened?
Lois: I was breast-feedin' Stewie; and he bit me again. I think he might have even broken the skin.
Brian: I see. Um... Maybe I should, uh, you know, uh... look at it. I, uh, I... I have seen a lot of medical shows.
Lois: You see , the areola is very tender here. And I think one of his new teeth may have bitten down right on the duct.
Brian: [pause] I'm sorry, what?
Lois: I don't know what to do, Brian. Breast-feeding's just so painful since Stewie's teeth are coming in. Now I know how Alec Baldwin feels when he feeds his brothers.
Alec Baldwin: There you go, there you go. Eat up, Stephen, you're the weakest.
Brian: Well, maybe it's time to wean Stewie.
Lois: I suppose it would make my life easier. You know what, I'll give it a try. Thanks, Brian.
Brian: No problem. Uh, any other problems you have too, like, for example, around your underpants, that you want me to look at, I could take a look at that too.
Lois: Huh?
Brian: Please pull down your underpants.
Stewie: I'm as pathetic as the fat man when he tries to read.
[Lois and Peter are seen on the sofa reading books]
Peter: Lois, what's this word?
Lois: "Evel..."
Peter: And this word?
Lois: "Knievel..."
Peter: And this word?
Lois: "was..."
Peter: And this word?
Lois: "born..."
Peter: And this word?
Lois: "in..."
Peter: And this word?
Lois: "Montana."
Peter: Hey, Lois, did you know that Evel Knievel was born in Montana?
[The Black Dolphins talking to each other]
WHAT'S GOIN ON MAN?
WHAT-THE, OH, WHAT'S GOIN ON YOURSELF MAN?
I ALMOST DROWNED YESTERDAY
AW MAN, IT'S WET OUT HERE
HEY JAY
AH HUN?
I'M GONNA SEE HOW LONG I CAN HOLD MA BREATH
I SEE YOU BREATHIN OUT YO HOLE
HEY MAN, YOU GOTS SOME SEA WEED ON YO TAIL
WHAT? AWWWWW
OH YOU KNOW I'M JUST PLAYING WITH YOU
HA HA AW-AW MAN YOU ALL, AWWWWW, I THOUGHT YOU WERE TALKIN ABOUT SOME OTHER SEA WEED HA HA
YOU KNOW I GOT JOKES, HA HA!
IM'A SLAP YOU WITH MY FIN
Lois: Glenn, your place looks wonderful! I feel like I can touch things in here now!
Joan: If you ever left me, I'd cut myself, then I'd cut you. I love you, Glenn!
Quagmire: I love you too, insane woman whom I'm having second thoughts about.
Joan: What?!
Quagmire: All right!
Cleveland: Hey, Quagmire, is that a banana in your pocket, or an erection in your pocket?
Joan: Is this a joke?
Peter: I wish it were, Joan, I wish it were a joke. But these things happen, you know? You go for a walk in the park one day and wheel-chair ninja's and nazi's and pot's and pans robots show up to kill ya, and dinosaurs show up ta eat the remains. You've seen the news.
Death: I'm going to a Celine Dion Concert. I'm not gonna kill her, I'm just gonna watch her die on her own.
Quagmire: Giggity-giggity-giggity... God, I made a terrible mistake!
Stewie: You call those cheap implants "boobs"? They're lies!
Meg: This is weird. Am I supposed to eat this? [gets splattered by a watermelon] AAAAUGH! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU!

Song[]

Trivia[]

  • This is the first episode where a main character does not appear for the entire episode, with Chris being entirely absent from the episode, aside from photos.
  • Nicole Sullivan and Patrick Warburton also work together on the series Kim Possible whose star Christy Carlson Romano guest stars as a one night stand for Quagmire. In addition, she appeared in Disney's Meet the Robinsons with one of her character's brothers being played by Adam West.
  • At Quagmire’s funeral, the man working the cement truck remarks how Mayor West is afraid of zombies. In the film Zombie Nightmare, Adam West’s character is killed by a zombie.
  • When Stewie sneaks into Peter and Lois's room to steal Lois's breast milk, the time shown on the clock is 4:20, a reference to 420, a number associated with cannabis culture.
  • The Wheel of Fortune scene is almost completely factually accurate down to the shopping, the bonus round with only five consonants and a vowel, the ceramic dalmatian which was frequently offered as a prize, the $25,000 sign, and a near-perfect rendition of the 1980s "Changing Keys" theme song.
  • During the bonus round of Wheel of Fortune, Peter asks for the letter Z, the number 4, the letter Q three times, and concludes with asking for the Batman symbol. After Peter answers the bonus round's question in one try, Peter asks to buy "the fat guy in the circle," which is himself.
  • This episode's Jeopardy! scene includes one of the few times that Mayor West's apparent delusions were proven correct. Years after the episode's airing in 2007, a Jeopardy contestant actually did write down “Kebert Xela” after he couldn't answer a question.[1]
  • The one free week of maid's service Peter wins had a $250 sign on it.
  • Quagmire's revealed foot fetish retroactively places the belief that he would be the first to be aroused by Chris' Statue of Liberty project that he taped over Assablanca with in "Death Has a Shadow".
  • Peter gets lost driving The Great Space Coaster. A portion of the theme song from that show is also played.
  • Peter calls Pat Sajak “Regis,” mistaking him for Regis Philbin.
  • When Glenn speaks in Elvish to Joan, he actually says a true Elvish word, “Mithrandir,” which, in The Lord of the Rings, is the name the Elves use for the character of Gandalf.
  • Death remarks that he had to see someone at NBC about Joey, and that he is going to a Celine Dion show but he’s not going to kill her, he’s going to watch her die on her own.
  • While faking a dinosaur eating Quagmire’s body, Peter hums the Jurassic Park theme.
  • On the censored version of this episode, Cleveland's use of the word "erection" is bleeped out.
  • On the uncensored version when Peter decides to fake Quagmire's death, he adds "This will be better than that soda I invented," then goes to a cutaway of Peter pitching Crystal Pepsi and stating that it's better than regular Pepsi, in case someone comes at the drinker with a knife and the drinker can’t see past the regular Pepsi. According to DVD commentary, this scene was rejected because of a Standards and Practices rule where a TV show couldn’t favor a product that’s not a show sponsor.

Cultural References[]

  • Two Japanese men riding another maid pull alongside Peter. One of them sounds like Howard Cosell while he berates Peter over a PA system. This is a reference to the stoplight drag racing scenes in the John Cusack film Better Off Dead.
  • A cutaway shows Peter throwing a tomahawk at Ashton Kutcher. He then says he'd just been Tomahawk’d for his new show, a parody of Punk'd.
  • After sleeping with a woman, Quagmire chisels his name in the wall with his nose and laughs, similar to the style of Woody Woodpecker. He also does this at the end of the episode, except he chisels his phrase “Giggity Giggity Goo,” his own trademark catchphrase.
  • After Quagmire talks to Joan for the first time, he daydreams about the two of them becoming some of the characters in the Disney films Beauty and the Beast, Lady and the Tramp, Aladdin, as well as Aragorn and Arwen from The Lord of the Rings film trilogy.
  • After seeing the severed foot of the Statue of Liberty, Mayor West goes through the closing lines of the 1968 film Planet of the Apes.
  • Peter went through a Daisy Dukes phase, wherein he dressed like Daisy Duke from the television series Dukes of Hazzard. The Daisy Dukes style was notable for its pair of tight-fitting cutoff jean shorts.
  • Peter's mention of Quagmire going "all sissy-boy-Alan Alda" is a reference to Alda's repeated casting as a "sensitive man".

Continuity[]

  • Peter tells Quagmire he’ll host his and Joan’s wedding on his boat, saying it’s not the last time he had a wedding on the boat. Being a reference to Randall and Eliza Fargus’s wedding hosted on the boat in “A Cheater Runs Through It”
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