| John Herbert | |
|---|---|
 | |
| Herbert the Pervert | |
| Name | Jonathan Oppenheimer Herbert |
| Age | 113 |
| Job(s) | World War II soldier (retired) Elder Member of Skull and Bones Society |
| Relatives | Mary Herbert (mother) Scott Herbert (father) Jim Herbert (brother) Jane Herbert (sister) Sandy Herbert (grandniece) Jesse (pet dog) |
| Voice | Mike Henry (Season 2 - 19) Richard Chamberlain (Season 20 - Present) |
Jonathan "John" Oppenheimer Herbert, (also known as Herbert the Pervert) is a creepy old pedophile and hebephile, who lives down the street from The Griffins. In addition to his attraction to Chris Griffin, his sexual desire extends to boys between the ages of 8 and 19, uninterested in those over 20. He first appeared in "Neighbor Pains", when he moved to Spooner Street. The character was initially voiced by Mike Henry, later replaced by Richard Chamberlain.
Biography[]
Birth and Childhood[]
John Herbert was born on February 11, 1911 at 10:00 AM in Concord, New Hampshire, to Mary Herbert and Scott Herbert. John was the youngest kid in the family, having a brother named Jim Herbert, who was the oldest, and a sister named Jane Herbert, who was the middle child.
During his childhood, John acted very effeminate and indulged more in his sister's girly activities than he did with his brother. He enjoyed playing with dollies, having tea parties, and playing dress up with Jane, as opposed to playing football, playing cowboys and indians, and playing with dinosaur toys with Jim. Mary took notice of this and was concerned that her son might be a homosexual, but Scott told her that even if he was gay, there was nothing to worry about. This caused a lot of arguing between the two parents, with Mary saying that John needed to be reprogrammed and Scott saying that there was nothing wrong with him being gay.
One day, John came home from school, saying that he had a crush on a male student. Mary was horrified to see that her worst nightmare had come true and kept punishing him and scolding him for his sexuality, while Scott demanded that she leave him alone and let him be who he truly is. Eventually, Mary had John sent to a homosexual reprogramming camp, hoping to beat the gay out of him. However, all that happened there was John fell in love with another gay boy there and the two became boyfriends.
Mary and Scott would continue to fight and spend endless nights screaming into each other's faces about John being gay. During one of their fights, Scott finally let it slip that he too was a homosexual and that he never even wanted to marry Mary in the first place. He explained that he always knew he was gay but knew society would never let him marry a man, so he married her instead. Scott's one and only hope was that if he let his son be proudly gay, then maybe sometime in the future, society would be more accepting of homosexuals and he could live the normal life he never got to live. Mary was mortified and stunned in absolute terror to hear this and came to the conclusion that John got his homosexuality from his dad. She then demanded a divorce, which Scott happily agreed to.
Mary and Scott filed for a divorce and Mary got full custody of Jim and Jane, while John was left with Scott full-time. Mary knew that Jim and Jane were okay to keep as they both had crushes of the opposite sex, so she knew they didn't pick up their dad's homosexuality. From then on, Mary and her family went their separate ways, while the homosexuals were left to live by themselves.
Scott had gotten his wish of leaving his pitiful ex-wife but was still stuck in a world, where he could never get to be with a man. He felt that his only choice from then on, would be to have sex with his son. John, who was only 8 years old at the time, felt as though he had no choice either and consented to having sex with his own father. This sexual relationship would continue on for all of John's childhood, adolescence, and young adulthood, making him grow up, feeling as though this was completely normal.
Outside of home, John would go to school, get into sports, and go to parties with friends. Life for him was more or less completely normal, even though inside the house, things were totally fucked up. Even inside the house, his life was mostly normal. John's sexual activity with his dad wasn't even a major part of either of their lives. It was really just as "major" as a sexual relationship between any regular old husband and wife. In mean, yeah, it happened but, you know. It's not like it affects the other things you do. It's not like you go around talking about it all the time. It's just ... something completely normal. It was around this time, John's life started to get better too. His mom was no longer around to abuse him and repress his sexuality and he was free to live a normal life. This only made the idea of sex with his father seem even more "right". So, this relationship went on and the world was none the wiser.
Adulthood and Military[]
In 1929, John graduated high school and immediately after turning 18, he moved out of the house to go live on his own. He moved into a nice neighborhood that had lots of children around and he would look upon these children and notice that he had lots of sexual feelings for them, similar to the feelings his father had for him. Herbert made friends with the other parents in the neighborhood and got trusted to look after their children as a babysitter. During these times babysitting them, he would have sex with them and tell them to keep this a secret from their parents, saying that if they told on him, they would be the ones getting in trouble. John's primary job was a gym teacher at the local middle school, which only gave him more opportunities to prey on little boys. John also got other little jobs around the neighborhood as an ice cream man, a birthday entertainer, and a swimming instructor, all of which made him even more appealing to his victims.
In 1941, a now 30-year-old John, signed up for the draft in lieu of WWII and joined the air force to fight the Nazis over in Berlin. When he was stationed in the barracks, there were already three other "Johns" there, so his general and his army buddies just addressed him by his last name, "Herbert". This would eventually be John's main name from then on. Herbert was an excellent fighter pilot and he went off to fight several fights with Nazis and do a pretty good job at it, too. Herbert was one of the greatest members of his force and won lots of purple hearts. His friends all gave him the nickname, "Silverbird" and he was hailed as a very highly respected member of his team.
In 1944, Herbert was kicked out of the military after another crew mate discovered a bunch of child pornography in his suitcase. Herbert was outed as a homosexual pedophile and his general kicked him out of the group and removed his picture from the wall of fame. Herbert had been shunned by his people and the cops had been called on him too. However, Herbert had evaded arrest by fleeing town before the cops could arrive and starting a new life somewhere else.
Herbert would move to the suburbs of Cortland, New York and live his life there with a blank slate. Just like before, Herbert lived in a neighborhood with children and would "babysit" them, just like he did in his home state. He worked as a boy scout troop leader and unsurprisingly, would do the exact same things to them as all boy scouts troop leaders ever do to boy scouts.
Herbert lived in Cortland until 1999 where he got in a lot of trouble once again. He was taken to court and proven guilty of child molestation, child abduction, child pornography, and a bunch of other crimes that begin with the word "child". Before he could get arrested, Herbert fled the state and moved to Quahog, Rhode Island, where he managed to escape the radar and start anew in his new state, just like before.
Moving to Spooner Street[]
John Herbert first moved to Spooner Street, along with his pet dog, Jesse in the episode "Neighbor Pains", which is when the residents of Spooner Street - and the audience as well - were first introduced to him. This is when he first met and fell in love with Chris Griffin. He had made several passes in an attempt to rape him. Everyone on Spooner Street was comically oblivious to all of Herbert's obvious signs of being a pedophile. As such, Herbert was allowed to get up close in person with Chris, hire Chris to do chores for him, and even come to his house to babysit him. The only person, who was aware of Herbert being a pedophile was Stewie Griffin, but nobody could understand him. And even when Herbert was caught about his past actions, he was able to weasel his way to forgiveness by making up a story to the Griffins to cover his dodgy actions.
In "Between Sanity and Madness", Herbert tried to continue his advances on Chris and kept hitting on him some more and got him to rake leaves on his lawn by blowing them off the night before. He tried to get Chris into bed with him, but was foiled when Francis, who was on father mode, pushed Chris away from Herbert, unaware that he ended up saving Chris, by telling him to not waste his time on the elderly (despite the fact that he himself is elderly).
In "To Love and Die in Dixie", Chris got hired as the paperboy and delivered a newspaper to Herbert's house. Herbert tried to persuade Chris into his house for some food, but Chris turned him down. The Griffin Family went to live in Dixie for about a week, and by the time they came back, their answering machine was chock full of 113 messages, all from Herbert, pestering them, about when the paperboy was coming back.
In "Lethal Weapons", Herbert was attacked by New Yorkers.
In "Peter Griffin's All-Stars", Chris overthrew his dad's baseball into Herbert the Pervert's backyard, while playing catch with friends. Herbert got the ball and suggestively called the boys to "come and get it", a call of which they all resisted. Chris and his friends were afraid to get it back out, with the fear of running into his dog, Jesse. When Herbert caught Chris, Chris admitted that he didn't want Herbert to watch his baseball game because he was so creepy. Hebert said that he'd give Chris his ball back and not attend his game under one condition: He had to go in disguise as a girl and go to the local elementary school's girl swim team and pretend he was his grandpa so he could be allowed in and watch the underage girls swimming.
In "And the Wiener Is ...", Herbert was interested in Chris' big penis.
In "Model Misbehavior", he saw the nudist boy, Jeff Campbell at the mall and said "Holy moly! Today must be my birthday!", super sexed up an interested in that naked boy.
In "North by North Quahog", he disguises himself as a teenage boy and goes to Buddy Cianci Junior High School on prom night and asks two boys to dance. Brian observes the scene, chaperoning the party and comments "That is one ugly eighth grader."
In "Brian the Bachelor", he watched Chris dancing around in his bathroom shirtless, from a ladder, propped up against the house. The ladder fell over and Herbert crashed into the streets, where he got run over by a car.
In "Petarded", Herbert was singing the song "Peter is Slow", while driving in a car, with tons of little girls in the trunk, singing backup.
In "The Perfect Castaway", he buys an ice cream truck from Brian. This ice cream truck would go on to make many appearances, later in the series, as Herbert's primary method of transportation.
In "Flights of Disaster", Herbert drives his ice cream truck around and abducts kids. Not knowing what the business is really about, Peter applies for a job, working as an ice cream man on his truck. He gets fired on his first day for eating all the ice cream.
In "Breadlosers", Herbert looked extremely fat when Chris visited him one morning before work - looking like a marshmallow - and went on a sad talk Chris he was very lonely and missed Chris so much he accidently let himself go eating too much. Chris cheered him up and promised to visit Herbert more after work, even hugging Herbert to make him feel better. In reality, Herbert's fat was actually an allergic reaction from him eating cheese that make him swell up and look fat and basically lied about the real reason to make Chris hug him and allow Herbert to feel around him without looking weird. However, Chris unintentionally gave Herbert his karma by giving him a cheesecake he bought from the store but didn't tell Herbert until he finished it, causing Herbert to swell up to the point of immobilizing him and needing to call his acupuncture.
In "420", he sneaks up behind a boy and a girl playing in the sandbox, with a net, during the song "A Bag of Weed", and a bag of weed lands in his net. Distracting him from the abduction, as now he can he happy that he can get high. Two more bags of weed land in the hands of the kids and they're happy to smoke also.
In "Road to the Multiverse", an alternate version of Herbert appears in a dimension, where everything is drawn by Disney. Here, he is portrayed as the witch from Snow White. He offers to put an apple in the pie, Disney Lois is making, to which everyone replies with "NO!", throwing a bunch of pies in his face and slamming the door on him.
In "Go, Stewie, Go!", he watched in shock, as "Karina Sunflower" came out as "Desmond Sunflower".
In "And Then There Were Fewer", Herbert drives his ice cream truck to James Woods' mansion. James Woods betrayed Herbert the Pervert by replacing his old man pills with hyper energy pills.
In "Chris Cross", Chris went to live with Herbert due to being blackmailed by his sister Meg. When he did, Herbert was ecstatic to have Chris all to himself and would enjoy being with Chris at first but eventually, Herbert got sick of living with Chris due to dealing with all of the boy's negative traits that he usually misses out on. When they slept in different beds, Herbert edged closer to Chris' bed closer and closer, as he explained to him that life was all about trying new things, but Chris farted and drove Herbert away, ruining the sexy moment. Chris would keep misplacing all his pornographic movies, making a mess all over the living room, and spending all his time playing TV games. Herbert eventually got sick of Chris and kicked him out of the house, and Chris told him that he faked all his light-headedness when he took his roofie Kool-Aid. Herbert went down to a dinner date with a friend of his (a judge) and his husband, (an understudy boy), down in a log cabin and sadly told them that he and Chris broke up.
In "Game Guy Advance", Herbert's avatar is shown in the Virtual Reality world. His avatar shows him as a little boy talking to other little boys and asking if they'd like to come over to his house and play.
In "The Dating Game", he was one of the people on Tinder, looking for an 18 to 20 year old boy.
In "The Quagmire Housefire", Quagmire rebuilds his house after it was burned down. However, Quagmire had a lot of sex-related technology installed in the walls of his house, such as a hold-down-o-tron for his bed, trap doors to a sex dungeon, video cameras in the walls, etc. and it would be impossible for him to get his hands on that stuff again. Fortunately, Herbert just so happened to have all the same stuff in his own house and he lent some of it to him. Quagmire commented, "I didn't know he was such a sex maniac too, and at his age, wow, good for him.", not knowing the kinds of people he uses these on. He noticed how a few of the machines were too small for adults and came to the conclusion that old women were frail enough to be handled with this kind of stuff.
In "Switch the Flip", Herbert switched bodies with Tom Tucker and used his job as a news reporter to tell little boys to come to his basement. He later switched bodies with Peter Griffin and had sex with Lois, which neither of them enjoyed.
In "A Bottle Episode", Herbert mistakes a power outage on Spooner Street caused by a shampoo bottle in the Griffin House to be the Cortland police finding his current place of living and he and Jesse book it out of their house to avoid arrest. This may be a possible way to write him out of the show due to his more... dodgy personality type clashing in the modern setting where its more serious and looked on more harshly compared to the '90s and 2000's, as he didn't appear for the rest of Season 21 aside from a non-speaking cameo in "Oscars Guy".
However, he did reappear in "Boston Stewie" disguised and offered Chris twenty to mash a Chipwich with his knee and almost got it until Meg called off the deal. And he later cameod in "Green With Envy", so only time with tell.
Appearance[]
John Herbert is a wrinkly, old creepy man with a weird shaped head. His head is bald and only has gray hair on the sides, with a few inconsistent strands coming out from the scalp. He has three old man circles in his scalp, just above some eyebrow wrinkles above his eyes. His eyebrows are gray and bushy and his nose is droopy. He has weird, crooked, inconsistent teeth, scattered about his big mouth and he has a slightly butt-shaped chin. His neck is very flabby and has a bunch of loose skin rolls on it. He wears a light blue bath robe and a white undershirt. He also wears white pants in the same color as his shirt. He has brown slippers. He also walks with a gray walker. He has a very soft, high pitched voice, that whistles whenever he makes the "S" sound.
Personality[]
John Herbert the Pervert is a creepy, twisted predator who's name rhymes with pervert for a reason, Herbert is a sexual predator who methodically stalks preteen and teenage boys. He has a funny, cheerful, and relaxed personality despite this, causing him to appear as a harmless and friendly individual. He seldom shows much emotion outside of calm cheerfulness or raises his voice to anything higher than a light, airy whisper. His voice is eerily angelic in contrast to his goblin-like appearance and he is an amazing singer. While Herbert is not completely evil, he is still a pedophile who constantly tries to chase down and seduce Chris as well as other boys in the show. He uses a variety of methods to try and catch boys and be around them, such as luring them to his cellar with popsicles, purchasing an ice cream truck in order to sell ice cream to boys, or drugging them with things like Nyquil and Tylenol PM. On top of this, almost everyone in Quahog is woefully oblivious to Herbert's true intentions, which allows him to stalk boys seemingly with impunity, although his schemes oftentimes fail due to his old age and frailty. Though Herbert is attracted to boys only, and as such is a gay pedophile, he seems to be against homosexual rights such as calling Brian Griffin a sick pervert for trying to get him to sign a petition supporting gay marriage. Of all boys, Herbert is most fixated on Chris Griffin.
In "The Courtship of Stewie's Father", Herbert has a dream/fantasy of being a woman married to Chris and that they have a son that looks like Chris and a daughter that looks like Herbert. Considering this along with Herbert's highly feminine voice, habit of singing female love songs, his fantasy of being Chris' wife, and dressing like the Virgin Mary at his Christmas party on The Cleveland Show, it is possible that Herbert has gender identity issues and desires to be female. If he sees his true identity as female, then he may not see his desires for boys as homosexual and thus why he disapproves of homosexuality despite wanting to have sexual relations with boys. However it is also entirely possible he was adverse to voting gay rights due to homophobic people lumping homosexuals with pedophiles and he would fear supporting the cause would arouse suspicion.
Despite his predatory behavior and the wrongness of his actions, it is shown that Herbert can be a kind person who cares about others. An example is where he tried to convince Chris to stop hanging out with Franz Gutentag in "German Guy", after discovering that the old man was the sadistic Nazi who imprisoned him in World War II, beforehand he did seem to be genuinely concerned for Chris' wellbeing and even went to try and warn Peter and Lois that their son was in danger. After discovering that Chris and Peter were being held captive in Franz' basement, he fought the Nazi in order to rescue them both. He even tried to save Franz from falling off his porch, despite their past together.
Relationships[]
Family[]
- Jesse - Jesse is Herbert's pet dog. The two of them are just as creepy as each other. Like how Herbert molests kids, Jesse molests puppies and they bond over this interest. They both share "Mmmm"s, whenever Herbert pervs out over a little boy.
"Friends"[]
- Chris Griffin - Herbert is in love with Chris and constantly stalks him, in attempt to have sex with him. Chris is totally oblivious to this and considers him to be his best friend. Herbert has Chris come over to his house and do chores for him, such as raking leaves and mowing the lawn. Herbert rewards Chris, by giving him snacks, such as cyanide popsicles, melatonin cookies, and spiked drinks. Due to Chris' massive girth and low metabolism, these rape drugs never work on him. As such, Chris is one of the few kids Herbert has never managed to rape, but that's not going to stop him from courting his number one prize.
- Cleveland Jr. - Junior is a common victim of Herbert too, with Herbert stalking after him when Chris is unavailable an using his naivety to his advantage. This has mostly been shown in The Cleveland Show. In the episode "Cleveland Moves In", Herbert was sad that Junior was leaving the neighborhood. In "It's the Great Pancake, Junior Brown", Junior cutaway to a Halloween in Quahog, where Herbert tricked him into touching his... uh... wiener. In "Murray Christmas", Herbet came out of Junior's suitcase.
Episode Appearances[]
- Neighbor Pains
- Between Sanity and Madness
- To Love and Die in Dixie
- Lethal Weapons
- Peter Griffin's All-Stars
- And the Wiener Is ...
- Model Misbehavior
- North by North Quahog
- Petarded (Cameo)
- Brian the Bachelor (Non-Speaking Cameo)
- The Perfect Castaway
- Flights of Disaster
- The Courtship of Stewie's Father
- Hell Comes to Quahog
- Petergeist
- Stewie Loves Lois (Cameo)
- Whistle While Your Wife Works
- Prick Up Your Ears
- Barely Legal
- Saving Private Brian
- The Family Guy 100th Episode Special
- Boys Do Cry
- Bill & Peter's Bogus Journey
- Long John Peter
- Road to Rupert
- The Tan Aquatic with Steve Zissou
- Family Gay
- The Juice is Loose
- It Takes a Village Idiot, and I Married One (Cameo)
- You May Now Kiss the Uh ... Guy Who Receives (Cameo)
- Airport '07
- No Chris Left Behind
- Mad Mex (Cameo)
- Movin' Out (Brian's Song)
- Breadlosers
- No Meals on Wheels
- Peter's Two Dads (Cameo)
- Believe It or Not, Joe's Walking on Air
- FOX-y Lady
- The Former Life of Brian (Cameo)
- Blue Harvest (Star Wars Version)
- Play it Again, Brian
- 420 (Non-Speaking Cameo)
- Padre de Familia
- Stewie Kills Lois
- Road to the Multiverse (Alternate Dimension Version)
- Hannah Banana
- Big Man on Hippocampus (Voice Only)
- April in Quahog (Cameo)
- Spies Reminiscent of Us (Mentioned)
- Go, Stewie, Go!
- Something, Something, Something, Dark Side (Star Wars Version)
- Dial Meg for Murder
- Ratings Guy (Cameo)
- The Splendid Source
- And Then There Were Fewer
- Baby, You Knock Me Out
- New Kidney in Town (Mentioned)
- Trading Places
- The Mortician
- Halloween on Spooner Street
- Stewie Goes for a Drive (Voice Only)
- Grumpy Old Man
- Holly Jolly Folly
- The Hand That Rocks the Wheelchair
- It's a Trap! (Star Wars Version)
- Seahorse Seashell Party (Non-Speaking Cameo)
- Finders Keepers
- Killer Queen
- You Can't Do That on Television, Peter
- Internal Affairs
- German Guy
- Tea Peter
- Family Guy Viewer Mail #2 (Cameo)
- Chris Cross
- My Little Brother
- Road to the North Pole (Cameo)
- Brian's Play
- 12 and a Half Angry Men
- Valentine's Day in Quahog (First Name Revealed)
- Bigfat (Special Opening)
- Brian's Play
- Yug Ylimaf
- Life of Brian (Non-Speaking Cameo)
- Road House (Cameo)
- Grimm Job (Fairytale Version)
- 3 Acts of God (Non-Speaking Cameo)
- He's Bla-ack! (Cameo)
- Hot Pocket-Dial (Non-Speaking Cameo)
- The Book of Joe
- Junior Sized
- Underage Peter
- Take a Letter
- Quagmire's Mom (Non-Speaking Cameo)
- Scammed Yankees (African Version)
- Inside Family Guy
- The Simpsons Guy (Non-Speaking Cameo)
- Game Guy Advance (Video Game Version)
- An App a Day
- Bookie of the Year (Non-Speaking)
- Guy, Robot (Cameo)
- Roasted Guy (Cameo)
- Peter Pan (Cameo)
- Run, Chris, Run
- A Lot Going on Upstairs
- House in Horror Hell
- Fresh Heir
- The Dating Game (Pictured)
- V is for Mystery (Mystery Version)
- Cop and a Half-Wit (Non-Speaking Cameo)
- Peter's Lost Youth
- The Monitor Monitor
- Dearly Deported (Voice Only)
- A Call Too Far
- The Education of Elmer T. Bags
- I'll Be the Judge of That
- Peter Gets Fired (Movie Version)
- Switch the Flip (In Tom Tucker and Later Peter's Body)
- Cash Meg Ousside
- Quagmire's Sexual Misconduct: Not on Tape
- Long John Peter II: Shelly's Return
- Family Guy Viewer Mail #3 (Genderbent Version)
- An Original Age Old Story
- Roasted in an Open Fire
- The Quagmire Housefire
- Petey IV
- Treasure Map
- Mort Almighty
- GriffinTube (Cameo)
- The (Not-So) Great Outdoors (Cameo)
- Family Guy Through the Years (1960's Version)
- Regarding Carter (Pictured)
- Con Heiress
- Pal Stewie (Cameo)
- No Giggity, No Doubt (Non-Speaking Cameo)
- You Can't Handle the Booth! (Cameo)
- New Phone, Who Dis? (Cameo)
- Absolutely Babulous
- Heart Burn
- Rich Old Stewie
- Holly Bibble
- Boys & Squirrels
- The Quagmire Show (Cameo)
- Boy's Best Friend
- Peterminator
- The Marrying Kind
- LASIK Instinct
- Prescription Heroine
- Must Love Dogs (Cameo)
- The Fat Man Always Rings Twice
- Hard Boiled Meg
- A Bottle Episode (Cameo)
- Oscars Guy (Non-Speaking Cameo)
- Boston Stewie (In Disguise)
- Green With Envy (Cameo; In Disguise)
Trivia[]
- In the early production bible, Herbert was originally written to be Chris' middle school bus driver that Chris would actively avoid due to being afraid to go near him.
- Mike Henry claims that Herbert's voice was inspired by a friendly old man, who used to work with him, when he was a teenager bagging groceries at Publix.
- Although Herbert is a mostly male leaning, there have been very few minor occasions, where he's proven to be interested in female children as well, making Herbert a male-leaning bisexual pedo/ephebiophile.
- In "Neighbor Pains", Herbert's closet was filled with pictures of children, both male and female. Chris assumed these were just pictures of his many grandkids. Later in the episode, he had a sex doll resembling a little girl, which Chris assumed was a toy he was planning on giving one of his granddaughters.
- In "Peter Griffin's All-Stars", Herbert went to a local elementary school to watch the girl's swim team, pretending to be one of their grandparents.
- In "Believe It or Not, Joe's Walking on Air", Herbert's "wife" was a little girl in bondage named Susie Lou.
- In "Hannah Banana", Herbert was a fan of the Disney Channel sitcom, Hannah Montana, most likely due to his attraction the titular character, played by a then-underage Miley Cyrus.
- In "German Guy", a couple of Herbert's pictures in his wallet were of girls. Like before, these were mistaken for pictures of his grandchildren.
- In "Yug Ylimaf", both male and female kids escaped from Herbert's Ice Cream Truck.
- Herbert is a fan of the controversial Netflix Original, Big Mouth, as seen in "Con Heiress" and "Disney's the Reboot".